The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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