Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
