i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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