Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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