never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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