Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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