Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize