I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
