you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
