Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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