Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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