It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
