I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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