So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
