i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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