Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
