apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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