i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
