at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
