youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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