Who wears a wallet chain?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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