I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
