I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
