oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
