it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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