i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
