We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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