Banned from zoo.
Again?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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