After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
