I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
