1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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