I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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