Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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