She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize