I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
