Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
