Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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