i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
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You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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