I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
