I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
