you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
