Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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