Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
