Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
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