Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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