Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she smelled like a LAN party
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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