My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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