No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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