you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
