would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dear god my vagina.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize