in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
