I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
