Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
