it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Sorry about my life...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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