Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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