he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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