I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
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I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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