it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
