I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
