but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
