How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
